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Grand house Comedy
Posted: 04 Mar 2017, 11:17
This story was solely written by Dindy.
Facebook: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
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Thank you for reading this story.
Laugher, comedy and Jokes, are not just words, but happiness to life's existence.
Time built up a generation of humans with unnamed characters and languages, of course not languages of the tongue, but languages of the brain which always results in jokes and laugher for the soul.
Life was given to a man and a woman to bring forth new breathing humans to the earth. I was amongst those breathing humans that were brought forth.
My name is Dae dae
and my family is a warzone of comedy against jokes.
I'm the last born, I have two brothers and sisters named; Hassan, Veron, Anita and Sonie, and my dad and mum. --Belief me, I'm the black sheep of the family.
Our life was full of fan and troubles which I regularly caused.
Ok wait maybe I should stop talking right now and just take you guys to the main story
Grand house Comedy 1
Posted: 04 Mar 2017, 11:18
Dad: "Hassan", called my dad as he sat in his favorite wooden chair.
Dad: "Ah, where is this boy I just called now?, he questioned himself.
Dad: "He didn't even answer his name when I called him", he said.
Hassan: "Dad is calling me let me quickly go before he gets angry", he said as he approached the door.
Dea dea: "What do you think you are doing?", I asked.
Hassan: "I'm going to shave the hair inside my brain, don't ask me each question again", he said.
Dea dea: "Bro you're fu*king up, real niggas fear no one not even their dad", I said.
Hassan: "You are right bro, so what should I do?", he asked.
Dea dea: [Smile] Chew gum and walk slowing like a nigga. Remember if you wanna be a nigga, you gat to act like one bro", I said convincing him.
Hassan: "You're right bro, I won't fear dad any more!", he said as he took the chewing gum I left on the table, then walked out.
Dea dea: "[Laughs] Hassan you're so gonna be a die nigga, RIP bro", i said laughing heavily.
I stood up from where I sat, to go see the event which I plotted to unfold its evil self :D .
Dad: "Hassan! Hassan!", called my dad loudly
Hassan: "Yes dad, I'm here what do you want?", he said as he approached my dad walking like a nigga and cchew the gum slowly.
Dad: "Are you ok?", asked my dad looking at him confused.
Hassan: "Yea dad, tell me what yuh want man", he ordered.
Dad: " You're chewing gum, So you are now a wassup nigga", he said.
Hassan: "Yea man", he said chewing the gum more slowly.
Dad: "Ok Mr nigga, there's something on your head, bend down so that I will clean it off for you", he said stretching his left hand towards his head.
Hassan: "Ok man, do it quickly, I ain't gat no time for that", he said as he bent down his head.
My dad's hand folded into a fist and a heavy knock landed on Hassan's head, making the chewing gum in his mouth to fall off and making his head to duck down in-between his shoulders
I laughed hard due to what i saw and tears came out my eyes.
Dad: "Are you still a nigga?, asked my dad
Hassan: "[Crying] no daddy", he said rubbing his head with both hands and crying.
Dad: "Now pick up that chewing gum and put it in the middle of your head, if you beg me you will hate yourself", he said pointing at Hassan.
Hassan: "Daddy, daddy, daddy", he said crying.
Dad: "Do you wanna beg me?", he asked.
Hassan: "No dad, I just wanna say you look beautiful under the moon light", he talked confused because of the brain cracking knock.
Dad: "C'mon shut up and do what I told you to do. Make sure you pass it down on your head", he said.
Hassan slowly picked up the chewing gum and passed it down on his head. My laugher became harder as my eyes saw what went on.
Dad: "Now go get me water from the kitchen and you better don't remove that gum from your head, or else you will hate me", he said.
Hassan walked to the kitchen crying, while I laughed uncontrollably. When he came out of the kitchen and gave my dad the water he held, I looked at his face and I could no more control the happiness that my plan worked
Dea dea: "[Laughs] you fell for my tricks ooo", I said laughing like a mad dog with tears running down my eyes, as i walked out from my hiding place.
Dad: "So Dea dea, it was you that made Hassan act like this?, how many times have i told you to stop your tricks?", he questioned me angrily as he walked towards me
Hassan: "I will kill you Dea dea, you tricked me", he said walking towards me.
Dea dea: "[Stops laughs] Oh no", I said as I calculated my movement.
I quickly ran towards the corner of the parlour, escaping to be caught by my dad and bro, then running out side.
Dad: "Come here you stubborn boy", he said running after me.
Hassan: "I will kill you", he said as he pulled the chewing gum off his head running toward me.
I got to the gate and it was locked.
Dad: "I will so beat you today", he said walking towards me knowing I had no where to run to.
Hassan: "I will put this chewing gum in your nose", he said removing all the gum on his head.
I looked left and right, then smile heavily and took a run to the fence which was at my right, then climbed it.
Dea dea: "[Tongue out] You can't catch me, chewing gum boy", I said to Hassan laughing, knowing it would provoke him.
Hassan: "Your real daddy!, your real daddy!, you hear me?", he said forgetting my dad was right beside him.
My dad looked at him, with a face of "I will kill you"....
Grand house Comedy 2
Posted: 04 Mar 2017, 11:19
She said nothing and turned back to the movie she was watching. As I saw that she was back to her movie watching, I continued my trouble, but this time, I poked her on her bum and waist.
She got really angry this time and stood up, then looked angrily at Veron who was looking at her with a smile.
She then gave him a dirty slap that caused his head to fall backwards.
Lady: "[Angry] How dare you touch me, are you mad!?", she shouted angrily.
I began to laugh heavily, as I raised the plastic stick up and moved slowly away from Veron.
Veron looked at me and saw me laughing with the plastic stick in my hand.
Veron: "Dea dea!!, so it was you that caused this, I will so kill you!!", he shouted then stood up and ran after me.
I being a smart boy, I ran out side the hall and Veron ran after me very fast.
He had almost caught me, when I noticed that he had almost grabbed my hand, I quickly stopped and bent down. He flu over me and fall to the ground with his knees and his legs apart.
Immediately he fell, his trouser tore apart from the middle of his ass and displayed his black underwear.
Dea dea: "[Laughs] See black Ipod in 3D ooo!!", I shouted laughing as I drew people's attention.
Veron: "Dea dea!!! I will kill you!!...", he said standing up and running after me, with his torn trouser which was now like a separated piece of jeans........ To be continue.
Grand house Comedy 3
Posted: 04 Mar 2017, 11:20
[Grand comedy house]
That was crazy of me right? Well what can I say, I'm a crazy thing [laughs].
Veron didn't catch me, I'm too smart for him, he tried all he could but I keep jumping and changing my direction.
The funny part was when he thought he had caught me, then I jumped into a moving bus and he fell inside a gutter [laughs].
Bad for him right? Well he deserved it, after all he did me wrong highly. The best part of it all for me, was that after that incident he started respecting me and feared me alot.
Now I got him under my control, I'm a bad ass right?, Yes I am when pushed to be bad.
I'm a good guy to be sincerely speaking, let me tell you how good of a person i am.
There was a day........
Anita: "Dea dea, take this", she said to me.
Dea dea: "Ah, but daddy said you should...", I said but couldn't finish my statement because she blocked me with her words.
Anita: "Will you just shut up, naughty brat!", she shouted at me.
Anita: "Take this clothes and go wash them", she said rudely as she gave me the pair of hard jeans to wash.
Dea dea: " [complaining] oo I don't like this at all, daddy told you to wash it na", I said to her angrily.
Anita: "Shut up, c'mon take it now!", she ordered me rudely.
Dea dea: "ooo, you have started again o", I said to her as I took the hard jeans to wash them.
Anita: "You better behave yourself and wash that jeans well or else I will give you a dirty slap", she said to me as I left where she was.
Anita: "See this boy is becoming something else", she said.
Anita: "I will so teach him a lesson if he ever tries any stupid thing with me", she said.
.........THREE DAYS LATER........
Dad: "Dea dea!", called my dad.
Dea dea: "Yes dad i'm here sir", I said as I stood right in front of him.
Dad: "You told me that you wanted to buy new clothes right?", he asked me.
Dea dea: "Yes dad", I said.
Dea dea: "And I also need new shoes, nail cutter, make-up kit, rope, pet, chain the golden type", I said to my dad.
Dad: "Are you mad?", said my dad.
Dea dea: "No sir!,", I said to him.
Dad: "Then why are you asking for all those things?", he asked me.
Dea dea: "I want to use them for something", I said to him.
Dad: "Dea dea, you have started with those your stupid tricks again right?", he asked.
Dad: "See let me warn you, if you try anything stupid, I will kill you with my hands", he said looking deep into my eyes as he pointed at me.
Dea dea: "Dad, I'm a changed person now, I have stopped all that", i said giving him a fake grin.
Dad: "It better be true", he said.
Dad: "I gave Anita some money to give you for the clothes", he said.
Dea dea: "How much dad?", I asked.
Dad: "3000", he said.
Dea dea: "[Smiling] Thanks dad", I said happily.
Dad: "I would be back this evening, so take care of Anita, remember your mum travelled with Veron, Sonie and Hassan went to see your aunt", he said to me.
Dea dea: "But dad, it should be Anita that should take care of me, not the other way around", I said to my dad.
Dad: "Shut up, don't you know you're the man, or are you now a lady?", he asked me as he moved out.
Dea dea: "[talks in a low tone] Yes dad I'm a man, I mean your wife", I said.
Dad: "Did you just call my wife?", he asked me standing close to the door.
Dea dea: "Jesus, the wizard heard it," I said in my mind.
Dea dea: "No oo, what I said was that your wife will miss you", I said giving a fake smile.
Dad: "Dea dea take your time", he said.
Dad: "By the way, i would be back by 5pm", he said as he moved out.
Dea: "ok dad", I said.
Re: Grand house Comedy
Posted: 04 Mar 2017, 11:26
[Grand comedy house]
[Laughs] I over did it and I was a good guy right? Well that was a lesson for her not to try me again, which she understood very well.
I was punished that day, I swept the house and the compound three times, it was not easy, I had no choice but to obey because if I didn't the punishment would be more worst than that.
Well I still got all the money from Anita because I explained to my dad why I did what I did.
I sometimes win and loose other times, but never the less I always have fun with what I do and feel no regrets for doing them.
I know some of you will think I'm nuts, but guess what? I'm nuts [Laughs].
I'm a psycho right? I'm insane right? I need a doctor right? I need help right?, what's your name? Right?. [laughs] I got you there, you just said your name is "right" ;) :D :p .
Ok enough of my madness, let me tell you guys about another trick I pulled that got a massive impact.
It was a lovely day, full of promises......
Dea dea: "Sonie, Sonie", I called my sis.
Sonie: "What is it?, she asked.
Dea dea: "Mum said you should add salt in the stew", I said to her.
Sonie: "Why is mum disturbing me na", she said frowning.
Sonie: "But she is there, why is she still calling me?", she asked.
Dea dea: "Mum is not there that's why she sent me to call you", I said.
Sonie: "ooo, mum won't let someone rest for just one minute", she said as she stood up from where she sat, heading to the kitchen.
Dea dea: "Mum also said you should add enough salt because she forgot to add salt, when she was cooking", I said to her smiling.
Sonie: "I've heard", she said as she left where I was and entered the kitchen.
....WHILE IN THE KITCHEN....
Sonie: "[Grumbling] I don't know why mum can't do this by herself before leaving the kitchen", she said as she picked up the salt can.
Sonie: "She just want me to enter the kitchen", she said throwing salt into the hot boiling stew.
Sonie: "I'm just tired of her troubles", she said keeping the can of salt back to its position.
Sonie: "Everytime, Sonie do this, Sonie do that", she said as she picked up the big steel spoon.
Sonie: "am I the only lady in this house?", she asked herself as she dipped the steel spoon into the stew.
Sonie: "Anita is always doing nothing, only me, but yet mum will still complain that I'm too lazy when it comes to work", she said as she used the steel spoon to steer the pot of stew.
Sonie: "One day I will just get annoyed and leave this house", she said removing the steel spoon from the pot of stew.
Sonie: "And when I leave, I won't come back", she said as she left the kitchen without tasting the stew.
.......FEW MINUTES LATER.......
Mum enters the kitchen to check on what she cooked.
Mum: "Ah, the stew must be ready by now", she said as she took a small towel to bring down the stew.
Mum: "It smells so good", she said.
Mum: "Sonie!", she called my sis.
Dea dea: "Sonie mum is calling you", I said to Sonie who wasn't interested in what I said.
Sonie: "Shut up, I didn't hear it", she said to me.
Dea dea: "But didn't you hear her?", I asked.
Sonie: "I said you should shut up, I'm not the only lady in the house", she said.
Sonie: "After all Anita is not a man, she's a lady like me", she said.
Dea dea: "ok, since that is the way you see it", I said smiling.
Dea dea: "[Shouting] Sonie mum is calling you!!", I shouted so loud that everyone could hear my voice.
Sonie: "[Angry] You're mad Dea dea", she said angrily.
Mum: "[Shouts from the kitchen] come quickly Sonie!", shouted my mum.
Sonie: "have you seen what you've caused, I will show you", she said snapping her fingers in front of me.
Dea dea: "Mumu, we will see who will show who", I said within myself.
Episode 4 continues
Posted: 04 Mar 2017, 11:28
........BACK AT THE KITCHEN......
Mum: "My husband is gonna love this", she said as she dished the stew in a cooler.
Sonie: "[Frowning] Mum you called me", she said as she approached mum.
Mum: "What took you so long?", mum asked her as she continued what she was doing.
Sonie: "I was busy", she said to mum still frowning.
Mum: "Ok, help me take those plates to the dining table", she said to Sonia.
Sonie: "Ok ma", she said as she took the plates.
Mum: "When you're done with that, come back and take this coolers", she said to Sonie.
Sonie: "Ok mum", she said frowning.
*FEW MINUTES LATER*
After the dining table was set, my mum called everyone to come down to the dining table, to eat their dinner.
Everyone walked down to the dining table except me because I knew what was going to take place.
Mum: "Where is Dea dea?", asked my mum.
Hassan: "I'm sure he's in his room right now planning a trick", he said.
Veron: "Yes sure, he is a little trickster", he said.
Anita: "I better go call that little demon", she said.
Dad: "Leave him, if he is hungry he would come here, you know how much he loves food", said my dad.
Sonie: "You're right dad", she said.
Dad: "Please honey dish out the food, let's eat", he said.
As I heard them talking about me, I laughed heavily, knowing that they all were going to pay for every single word they said.
Dea dea: "You guys should glow now", I said to myself smiling.
Dea dea: "You guys are mocking me", I said.
Dea dea: "Sonie, you wanted to show me? Now you will see who shows who", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "[smiling wickedly] RIP tongues", I said.
*BACK AT THE DINING TABLE*
Hassan: "This food smells good", he said putting a full spoon of rice and stew into his mouth.
Dad: "It's gonna taste really good", he said as the food entered his mouth.
Anita: "For sure, mum cooked it", she said as food entered her mouth.
Veron: "Mum is the best cook ever", he said putting the food in his mouth.
Mum: [Smiling] Thanks dear", she said as she dished her food out and Sonie's own too.
Immediately Hassan, dad, Anita and Veron started to chew the food, they all spat out at the same time.
Dad: "Jesus!", he shouted as he spat like a pregnant woman.
Veron: "No no no, what's this ooo, my teeth!", he shouted using water to wash it off.
Anita: " My tongue o!", she shouted spitting out the remaining particles of the food in her mouth.
Hassan: "Mum you cooked raw salt for us o!", he shouted as he poured back the rice which was in his mouth on the plate.
Mum: "[Confused] Cooked salt?", she asked confused.
Sonie: "[Confused] How is it possible?", she asked.
Dad: "Yes salt, Sonie taste it and see for yourself, chia my tongue oo", he said as he pulled out his tongue and used his fingers to scratch it.
Sonie picked up her spoon and tasted of her unknown deeds.
Sonie: "Jesussss, salt o!!!!", she shouted spitting out the food.
Mum: "[More confused] How is it possible, i only added a little salt before i left the kitchen", she said.
Sonie: "Ehn mum, you added salt before you left the kitchen?, she asked mum.
Mum: "Yes I did", she said.
Sonie: [Puts her hand on her head] mummy is Dea Dea o, it is him oo", she said as her hand was on her head.
Dad: "What did he do", he said as he used a handkerchief to clean his tongue.
Sonie: "He told me that mum said I should add enough salt oo", she said.
Mum: "Jesus!, I never said so o!", she said.
Harran: "Sonie you have killed me oo", he said as he used the spoon to scratch his tongue.
Veron: "I can't take this anymore", he said as he stood up and went to kitchen to wash off the salt.
Anita: "Me too" she said following Veron at his back.
Hassan: "Chia my tongue o", he said as he stood up pulling out his tongue and walking to the kitchen to wash it.
Dad: "Woman, you see what your bast*rd son has done again?", he said still cleaning his tongue.
Mum: "Yes your bastard of a son has done his tricks again", she said.
Dad: [looks at my mum] see this woman o", he said.
Mum: "[looks at my dad] I'm looking at her right now", she said.
While they were there talking and complaining, I was there in my room laughing like a mad man because of the different types of shouts I heard.
Suddenly my door opened with force and the figure that stood in front of me was my dad, with the pot of salty stew. He looked at me, then locked the door behind him.
Dad: "Dea dea!, now sit-down very well", he said to me.
Dea dea: "Yes sir", I respected myself because I knew I had no where to run to.
Dad: "Now start licking this stew", he said angrily placing the pot of salty stew right in front of me.
Dea dea: "Dad, can i have bread to wash it down?, I asked.
Dad: "Shut up and lick that thing", he ordered.
I had no where to run to, so I dipped my finger into the pot to have a taste of how it really taste like.
Dea dea: "Chia oo I'm dead oo", I said within me as i squeezed my face and tears ran down my eyes because of the excessive salt.
Dad: "My friend will you lick that stew finish", he said as he gave me a heavy knock on my head".
Dea dea: "[Crying] Ok sir", I said.
My brain started breathing because of the knocked my dad gave me, I looked at him once more as I dipped my hand into the pot of salty stew.
I looked at my dad and looked at the pot of salty stew, which i was about to lick. When suddenly I fainted....
.... To be continue.
Grand house Comedy 5
Posted: 04 Mar 2017, 11:29
[Grand comedy house]
I deserved that right? Well I know I over did it, but I was pushed to it, my mum and sis annoyed me that day, so my anger lifted for revenge.
I actually ended up eating that stew with the rice, although it wasn't that same day, but I ate up all the stew and the meat in it.
My dad is not a kind of person you joke with, when he says you are gonna do something, nothing will change his mind back.
No matter the amount of plead you plead, he won't change his mind.
I really suffered, tasting my own tricks and hand destruction. I guess I paid for my tricks.
Well that didn't make me stop at all, I kept on playing my tricks. I became the trick lord of the house, no one could compete with me because I was too tricky.
It got to a point when my dad could not take it anymore because he was totally frustrated and tired of a son like me.
He even went as far as saying I needed deliverance because I acted like someone with spiritual illness, but be sincere, do I act like a mad person reading like you? I got you again! :D, you fell for my tricks :D :D [laughs uncontrollably].
Yea yea, I know I'm insane, but what can a potential mad guy like I do? Go more mad?, well I guess yes! :D.
Believe me guys this part I'm about to tell you will make you so love me, but hi don't fall too deep in love with me because I might just be tricking you again :D.
Now enough of that, let me tell you how it all happened.
Dad: "[Angry] Dea dea I will kill you!!", screamed my dad as I escaped his presence.
Mum: "What is it again?", asked my mum as she entered the room my dad was in.
Dad: "Move out of my way, let me kill that boy", said my dad as he tried passing my mum.
Mum: "Wait, please don't kill him", she pleaded as she held him back.
Dad: "Oh!, let me go", said my dad trying to free himself.
Mum: "No, tell me what happened", said my mum still holding my dad.
Dad: "Ok you want to know what happened right?", asked my dad.
Mum: "Yes please tell me", she said as she left hold of him.
Dad: "Now smell my hand", he said.
Mum: "[Smells it] Jesus!", she shouted in disgust as she spat like a pregnant woman.
Mum: "What is that awful smell?", she asked.
Dad: "That smell is a fowl's excrete and your so called son made me dip my hand into it", he said.
Mum: "Jesus Christ!, Dea dea that boy won't kill me", she said.
Dad: "Thank God you see things my way, now excuse me let me go kill him before he kills both of us", he said as he tried passing my mum.
Mum: "No wait, if you kill him, people will say things and you will be jailed", she said blocking him.
Dad: "You're right, lets just poison him so that he would die silently, no one would suspect that way", he said.
Mum: "Stop that, just wait and listen to me", she said.
Dad: "Ok, but just know that your son has a spiritual illnesses and the only cure is death", he said.
Mum: "That is what I suspect also, but death is not the cure", she said.
Dad: "Then what is?", asked my dad.
Mum: "Let's bring a strong pastor here that would cure him of this illness", said my mum.
Dad: "Are you sure that would work?", he asked.
Mum: "Yes I am, we need to find a solution to his problems before it gets worst, he might even go mad with this character of his", she said.
Dad: "I won't mind if he goes crazy, at least people won't think I killed him", he said.
Mum: "Stop it, he is still your son you know", she said.
Dad: "The last time I checked, that boy was not in my plans", he said.
Mum: "You better stop that", she said.
Dad: "Fine, I have heard", said my dad.
Mum: "I will call the pastor to come tomorrow", she said.
Dad: "Ok, lucky him you are around if not, I would have kill him today", he said as he walked passed my mum.
Mum: "It's ok ah, please pass quickly don't touch me with that your chicken a*s hand [Laughs]", said my mum as she laughed hard.
Immediately I saw my dad making his way out the room, I took off like the speed of light to a corner to hide.
When I got to the corner, I began to back flash on what my parents were discussing about me.
Dea dea: "So these people think I have spiritual problems and they want to bring a pastor", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "So dad has the mind to say I'm not amongst his family plans, he even wished me madness", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "Ok no problem, let them bring the pastor", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "I will so show that pastor fire", I said to myself as I took a peak to check whether the place was clear for me to move out.
I saw no one around, so I made a run for it and went out to gather my plans together for the next day.